My comming out story

This is a preatty long story.  If you want to read it offline you can click here to download a plain text copy of the story.

Luckily for me comming out has been a quite easy and gratifying till the moment.  I shouldn´t say easy but gratifying it has been, defenetly.   The first to know was my best (female) friend.  It was sort of stupid the way I told her, or the way she got to know.   One day when we where talking at the phone I was really depressed and she said don´t be depressed there is not a reason to be like that.  To what I said, yes their is, you would never understand it, then she told me that she knew what I was talking about, and that was it.  We never talked about it directly, we never used any words like gay or anything, but it was nice to know that I count on someone and that I wasent alone at the age of 14 more or less when she got to know about my gay tendency.

Later on I keept my mouth shut for about 4 years or maybe more.  With my best (female) friend things where fine but we avoided talking about that subject.  In the mean time I fancied my best (male) friend, who eventually became my best (female) friend's boyfriend.   Then I got really depressed and actually jelous.  First because I was being push apart from our trio and second because she was getting together with the guy I fancied  for about 3 years.  Unfortunalty things didn't work very well with them and they broke up and their relationship ended in a bizzar way. 

After  I finished high school and traveled for a year to Germany as an exchange student.  That really helped me to accept my self as I am.   A friend of mine once came to me and said,  "Look there is something I have to tell you, I’m bisexual"  I wasn’t surprise much, about he being bisexual what surprise me was the fact that he was telling me that.   Then I thought,  this is my chance to come out of  the closet, I don’t have much to loose any way, nobody knows me here in Germany.   So I didn’t say much when he told me that he is bisexual, so he asked me if  I was homophophic or something, to which I obviously said no.   Then I got the force to shoot it out.  My voice brake down when I said it out loud  for the first time.  He couldn't hear what I was saying so I had to repeated it for 3 times.  That moment was one of the tensest moments I've been through, but 2 minutes after I felt that I putted 3 tons that have been over my shoulders away.  I felt so well, I swear that that let me breath for the first time.   After, I became close friend of another girl that coincidentally was bisexual so I went to her and told her that I was gay, She was very suportative and helpful.  She cheer me up every time I got depressed.    

When I return from Germany I was sure of what I was going to do.   Seeing all those gays walking freely in the street and not hiding from anyone really opened my eyes.  So before coming I promise to my self that I was going to walk out of the closet once and for all.    After about 3 weeks from returning I went to my closest female cousin.   When I just told her she didn't believe it and she thought I was joking, she told me to quit the joke but the she realize that I wasn’t joking so she just came to me and gave me a  hug, then I started crying and I think she did as well.   That same night she went home with her boyfriend and she was so impacted by what I told her, that she cried all the way back to her place.   Obviously her boyfriend was concern about her and she couldn’t hold it and she told him about me.   At first I was really angry, but then I realize that things like that happen when you risk telling someone else.  Still she didn't do it to be mean to me or anything, she just couldn't hold it to her self and need to talk to someone.  Luckily her boyfriend took it pretty good, obviously he doesn't like the idea but he has been quite suportative even when he finds it gross.   After telling them it was enough emotions for me for a while.  After about 6 months of not doing much I risk it to tell the brother of my cousin (my male cousin).  He is 4 years younger than me, but still I love him very much.  I have a really close relationship with him and I was very afraid to damage that relationship if I told him.   Even though I just took the chances and went for it.  When I told him he had exactly the same reaction as his sister, he thought I was joking  but when he saw my face he realize I wasn’t joking.   For the first few days after I told him he avoid me, or maybe I did, but I know it was really hard for him to accept because of our close relationship.  Since then I haven't told anyone else.

 I was about to tell my best (male) friend, but he studies abroad and I hardly see him for about 2 months every year, still my friendship with him has change a lot and we are not as close friends as we used to be, so I reconsider telling him the last time I saw him.    But recently, my best female friend called me to tell that there are people that know about me, that is going around with the rumor. I asked her how.  Then she told me that my sister somehow knew about it and told her best friend, and her best friend is walking around saying it out loud and this story got to my best friend.   I knew my sister knew so I didn't have much choice than to go and talk to her.  I don't keep a very good relationship with her so I had to be very brave to talk to her.   She wasn’t surprise much, apart from the fact that she never expected me to go and talk to her.   Still she was pretty altered and things since then are a little tense.  Maybe I didn't give her the time to realize what we where talking about

Shortly after this I went to University.  I´ve become close to some gay people not many though.  But at the second day after uni was started a friend of mine came to me and told me that she knew that I´m gay.  When she said that I was completly freaked, I´m not the kind of person who is very gayish or anything.  Then she told me she is lesbian and then I could breath back.   Soon after that I  meet more gay people at uni and I was very confortable with myself.  Until one day I received a suspicious call from one of my uncles, telling me he nedeed to talk to me.  I inmediatly knew it was about it. Still I just went to talk him. Hhe was vey dissapointed and sad, he was even crying while he talked to me.  He found out I am gay when he was ussing my computer and I left some gay stuff that I shouldn´t have left it so easy to find, apart there where the famous "cookies" that are left in your computer when you surf the internet.  My uncle told me all the arguments that  a tipical homophofic would say, luckily to most of them I was prepared to answer back, but then he said he was going to tell my parents and that was when he really surprise me.  Luckily he reconsider that, but he asked me to go see a shrink, to which  I obviously refused, but after seeing him so depressed by the fact that I´m gay, I accepted    The week after our talked I visited the shrink she made me some psyco exams that end up telling a lot of truths about me, but one of the results was that I´m not gay that I´m heterosexual and that if I like I can change.  The shrink gave me some "scientific" basis to this that at first convince me, then I realize  that everything was a trick planned to "convert me" I´m still thinking what to do about this.  If you want to know what happend next, keep tune, this is a never ending story and I´ll be updating this as things happen.

I know that everyone advice to come out.  I do as well but always analyze the situation.  For instance in my case if I completely come out of the closet for sure I'm going to be discriminated looked by others as a freak. In Ecuador even though things for GLBT are improving there is still a lot of close minded people that don't accept and are even able to kill, so it would be good to think twice before comming out of the closet to everyone and even just to someone.

So this is  my comming out storie.  For all of those who allready know that I'm gay thanks from the bottom of my heart for all your support, I wouldn't be here writting this if it wasn't for you.  Really thanks thanks thanks.